SUMMARY

• “When we grow apart, it's usually because two individuals get so focused on their own life that they just grow apart and they start doing things and not making space for each other, especially when we have children, especially when you start engaging a family.”
• “Sometimes we get into this, the ‘managing the details of life.’ And what happens is you grow apart, you kind of lose connection with each other.”
• “Just like when you first start engaging with somebody new, together you create a vision of what the relationship is going to be, where you're going to go, you know, what it's going to look like in the future.”
• If you feel like you’ve grown apart and are unsure of where to go next, this episode is for you.
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

You may have the feeling like you and your person are growing apart, or maybe you're in a space where you feel like you have grown apart and you're like, oh my gosh, where did the deep sense of love and connection go? That was clearly there at one point in time.

It seems inaccessible to me right now. If this is something that you're going through, like, there's definitely a way to answer for it. When we grow apart, it's usually because two individuals get so focused on their own life that they just grow apart and they start doing things and not making space for each other, especially when we have children, especially when you start engaging a family.

So much of what you do with your other person is, you know, managing the kids and the logistics of managing the household and then managing your careers separate from each other and whatever the duties are that each of you are holding. Maybe one of you is a stay at home mom or dad, and the other one's out there working, and you're just.

You get into this, the managing the details of life. And what happens is you grow apart, you kind of lose connection with each other because we stop doing the things that generated connection early in the relationship. And so the two things to do if you feel like you're growing apart is, number one, Create a vision for the relationship.

What do you want the relationship to be? When you were first engaging with the person, you had dreams, you had ideas of what you would create with this person and the life you would create and the way you would feel with them and the things you would do together. And so get reconnected to that vision. What is the vision for the relationship that you have?

And if you feel like, I just don't think it's possible anymore, and you've gotten caught in that negative loop of thinking, you know, start giving yourself permission to go, man, I can create the relationship that I really want. And create a vision of what you want that relationship to be. You cannot create what you cannot see.

And so just like when you first start engaging with somebody new, you create a vision of what the relationship is going to be, where you're going to go, you know, what it's going to look like in the future. And so, number one, get reconnected to that. And then number two, start carving out focus time with the other person where you are not allowed to talk about the logistics of your day.

It could be like a dinner out once a week or once a week you go on a walk with each other for an hour or two. Doesn't matter what it is. You can change it up each week and do different things to kind of keep it, you know, interesting and fun. But it's like, you're not allowed to talk about the kids.

Like, you talk about the kids all the time. You're not allowed to talk about the kids because that'll put you in your routine, in your loop of what had you grow apart. And don't talk about the to do list of just shit you're doing. Like. Like, that's boring. Like, you did not do that when you were first together. Talk about, you know, how you feel and the things you're going through and what you aspire to and what you want to create together.

And, you know, spend that time planning, you know, once a quarter, you know, go on a trip where you are not with the kids, where you take a day or two and. Or three and the kids have a babysitter, they stay with the grandmother or grandfather or, you know, somebody that you trust with the children, and they go to a friend's house for a weekend and then trade with the parents where you take their kids the next time and kind of create a space where you and your person can truly be in an environment where the focus is just the two of you.

If you don't create the space where you have the time to focus on just the two of you and the vision you want to create of the relationship and where you want to go, then you're going to grow apart. And ultimately the relationship is going to become kind of cold. It's going to become like living with a roommate where you just get caught going through the motions.

And so the way you make sure you don't get caught going through the motions is you create the time where you have focused time with each other doing a few key things where you stop engaging in the habits and the routines that have kind of, you know, you know, you know, had you lose that sense of connection in the first place.

And if your mind goes to the space of, like, Joey, I just don't have time to do that. There's no way that's going to happen. Well, then that's why you must make it happen. You must decide that this is important enough to create the time. Because if you don't, the relationship is going to continue to diminish until eventually, you know, you probably, you know, separate or no longer engage and so make the time for the person you care about most and those who are most important to you.

Now, don't wait, don't put it off, because you will certainly regret it. And start changing the game of how you engage with your person. If you want vibrancy back in the relationship.