SUMMARY

• “Compassion is not something we have or don’t have, it’s a state that can be trained and created.”
• Compassion becomes impossible to access when we’re in a place of criticism.
• “Acceptance is a bridge to compassion.”
• If you’re looking for tips on how to access compassion no matter the circumstance, this episode is for you.
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

In this session, we're going to jump into how do we train and cultivate compassion? Again, compassion is an experience of ourself. It doesn't have to do with the circumstance of reality as any emotion. We relate to any emotion that way. Every emotion functions that way, if you will. Meaning the thing we're feeling is not because of the current circumstances or what's happening in our life. The emotions that we feel are a result of where we are with ourself in that moment, and then tend to be fueled or activated by our perception of reality in that moment, which is not the same as reality having an impact on us. And compassion is one of the most prevalent examples of this, as it pertains to mindset strategies, because you can very quickly shift the experience of yourself with someone you care about from, say, agitation, resentment, disappointment, to feeling a loving, open, authentic connection with that other person, which is going to probably go a lot further for you in terms of getting the outcome or the expectation met that, that you're attempting to have fulfilled in that relationship, whether it's your relationship with yourself or somebody else, somebody outside yourself. 


And so if we look at when we're, again, not feeling compassion, because I find that if we understand what we're doing, when we don't have access to the experience of life we're wanting to have, it helps to push us or move us forward toward experiencing the thing we want, because we then know what to stop doing and then we know what to do instead. And so when compassion isn't there, criticism is. And so we tend to be either criticizing ourselves, criticizing others, or criticizing even sometimes, just generally, the world for not being where we want it to be. And in that criticism, we're seeing the shortcomings. We're acknowledging what's not happening and, you know, frustrated that what we believe should be occurring isn't happening. And so all our focus is going on basically the shortcomings. And if we're focusing on the shortcomings, the byproduct of that is going to be agitation and annoyance and disappointment and sadness and all of those other fear based states that we'd rather not be living life from, that we'd rather not be inside of. 


And so it's not that we just disregard the expectations that we have, and it's not that we don't hold ourselves and others to a high standard and that we're not performance driven. It's the way we approach getting those expectations met is where we're going to create a potential shift. And if we can change the way in which we're attempting to get our expectations and our outcomes and our results met and fulfilled on, then we're going to have a much higher likeliness that they actually occur. We're going to increase our possibility that they happen. Because, you know, if we really pay attention to what motivates human beings, human beings are a lot more likely to want to show up for, and with you, if there's encouragement there and there's a sense of openness there and, you know, so on and so forth. 


And so what are we focusing on when compassion is present? We're focusing on an acceptance that they're doing the best they can. And so instead of getting upset that somebody's falling short in the acknowledgement that, hey, they're doing the best they can still gives us the ability to understand why they're falling short, but it's going to give us a different opening to encourage them to bridge a gap. And so if we go to that same individual and we're upset, we're frustrated because they're not hitting a mark and we just point out the fact that they're failing, right. Themselves,  and the world, that's going to lead them to probably perform at a lower level because now they just feel bad for not executing in the way that they want to execute. And so now it's like we just kind of  heavier weights on them, whereas we can still approach them and say, man, I really appreciate the effort. And, you know, it's clear you're working really hard at this. What could I do to support you to achieve x, y, z outcome that I know you sincerely want to fulfill on and I think can make a difference for you? 


You see, we're still going to get the outcome. We're still moving toward performance. We're still committed to enhancing our experience in our capacity of life and their experience in their capacity of life. But we're just doing it from a different place, a different space of influence, a different energy. Because if we bring compassion to a space that's a very different energy than anger or agitation or frustration, right, and the person is going to feel and receive the emotional communication just as much as they, as they receive the words that we speak. Meaning, if we're feeling angry, we feel that from other people and we immediately go to a certain place in reaction to that anger that they're feeling. If somebody comes to us with joy or inspiration or compassion, you know, we feel that, too, and we go to a different place within ourself. And one of, you know, in one set, right, if we're feeling, you know, that sense of compassion from somebody else, we're going to be more open and receptive to their communication and their influence than if we feel anger or disappointment from them. We're already shutting down before they even begin communicating. And therefore, we're going to be a lot less receptive. Therefore, you have a lot less influence. 


And so the key strategies for compassion are, you know, acknowledging, man, this person's executing to the degree in which they're capable, and I appreciate that effort. Now we can go to, how do we support them to up level, right? Affirm that they're doing the best that they can. Number two, acknowledge the struggle, right? Acknowledge the struggle. Like, hey, man, this person has been through a lot. They're going through a lot. They have a lot on their plate. They're managing a health crisis, or they're afraid. And so the more we can get inside somebody's world holistically and understand what's occurring for them and have a sense of empathy for what their experience is, that's gonna lead us to have a lot of compassion, because we've all struggled or gotten stuck at different times in our life. And if we draw on those remembrances of when we've gotten stuck or when we've struggled and we remember how we found our way through, well, then we can acknowledge their struggle and support them with the way through as opposed to simply getting frustrated that outcome isn't happening as a byproduct of that struggle. 


And so it's like, you know, when we kinda lay this stuff out, one, it makes obvious sense over the other, strategy and implementation, if you will, but it doesn't mean it's not easy to get stuck there. And so empathize, acknowledge, be clear on the struggle in which they're going through. That doesn't give them a pass. Like, just because life is hard and just because we're struggling doesn't mean that they don't have to perform. It doesn't mean you let them off the hook. It doesn't mean you don't hold a high standard. It means that you understand where they are, can speak to where they're at, as opposed to miss that entirely, and definitely not produce the outcome that you're looking for. And so it's not that you're looking to their struggle to give them a pass, or to make it okay for them not to execute, because that's just gonna propagate weakness right at the end of the day, that'll just sort of create or nurture a victim mentality and really cripple them for being able to create the things they want in life. And being a self reliant and human who makes a contribution to the world and can take care of themselves. 


And so I'm not saying that, like, a lot of people get this idea that compassion inherently means I'm just letting everybody off the hook, which means I gotta deal with everything. And therefore, who wants to be compassionate, right? And so that's. But that's not what we're saying here. We're saying compassion gives you access, right? It gives you access to them. It gives you access to being able to influence in a more powerful way. And it gives you access to being able to experience a sense of fulfillment, well being within yourself, even though people around you may  struggling at times. Because if we don't understand how to, how to be fulfilled and vibrant within ourself when others are struggling, then we can't do the thing that we most want to do for other people, which is be a light that lifts them up. And so it's so important to understand that, man, if I hold a higher place within and as myself, then I can actually serve to kind of encourage people to a higher reality for  And that's going to be a lot more vibrant relationship in life if we  from that place. 


And so again, the key things that are going to nurture or cultivate compassion is that sense of, number one, acknowledge their struggle, empathize with them a little bit, accept that they are absolutely doing the best they can. They're not messing up just to piss you off. Okay? That's probably not going down. They're really putting out their best effort. They're trying to do the best they can. They're just getting caught, right? They're doing the best they can. How can I help them bridge the gap? And then that final space of compassion, nurturing compassion, is, is understanding that you're there to influence them to a higher place through that openness that you create through compassion. And so what's the outcome that you wanna support people toward? What is it you wanna help people create? What is it you wanna realize for yourself? As opposed to focusing on that which isn't happening or the lack of what's there, and then we start focusing on basically what's wrong, right. 


So instead of focusing on the theme of what's wrong, focus on what's right, what's going well. And, hey, how can we support to produce the outcome that we would like to have, that the other person would like to have, that the business would like to have, or whatever it is that we're inside of. And so enjoy this. Remember that no matter what comes your way, you can drive with a sense of compassion. If we remember to anchor around some of these keys principles, some of these key perceptions of reality, that's going to give us access to a much greater capacity to lead ourself, lead our family, lead our children, lead our friends, our coworkers, employees, maybe to a much better place.