SUMMARY

• Not all family is set up in a  traditional sense. And that means you get to choose your family and create a vision for that family that sustains and fulfills you.
• When you really define and then show up as the person you want to be inside your family, that’s when the magic happens.
• “Something that I'll tell you from a fulfillment perspective is relationships are maybe the most important component of your life. Create them and enjoy them.”
• If you’re looking for tips on how to manage family dynamics and create a vision for family that supports you to feel connected and fulfilled, then this episode is for you. 
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

This session, we're going to talk about family. How do we create vision for family? It's so interesting to me because I find a lot of people think that family is supposed to look the same for everybody, right? Everybody's supposed to be married or have a significant other and two children and a dog and a fence. And it's like so many people go to just like, this immediate idea of traditional family, and especially today more than ever, if we really pay attention, family can look a lot of different ways, right? And what's most important is that you know what family looks like for you. And so you want to start with the who like, who's in it? Who's in your family? And you might come from a big family that has 20, 30 people in it. And just understand that even if you have a big family like that, the reality is the core individuals that you have the closest relationships with are only going to be a handful. Not because you don't care about a lot of people necessarily, family, friends, acquaintances, et cetera, but from a time perspective, I mean, study after study has shown that you're only going to have really high touch, intimate relationships with maybe 5 to 10, 15 people or so in any given time because the amount of time that it takes to really build close bonds, right? And to maintain close relationships in a way that they thrive. 

And so if you really think about that, who do you want your core to be? Start there, right? Who's your core going to be? Is it you and just a significant other and no children? Is that your idea of family? Is it you, a significant other, and your pets, right? Your favorite dog, your favorite cat, whatever that may look like. Is it a big family, right? Is it you and a significant other and 3, 4, 10 kids? I don't know. Do you want a farm? Is that your thing, right, with all the creatures? Okay, then you need the kids to work the farm, right? That used to be a thing. Put them to work, right? Like cheap labor, that kind of thing. Maybe it's just like you're doing life on your own and you're a single person, and your idea is career and service, and your idea of family is different. Your idea of family might be close friends, and it might be the people that you're building with in a different way so family doesn't have to look any way, but you need to know what it looks like for you. 

So when you think about vision for family and how do you want to cultivate family this year and how do you want family to evolve for you this year, ask yourself, who are they? Who are the people that make sense to be in your family? What are the roles that you want people to play within the idea of family for you? Maybe those people aren't around yet. But you know that you have this vision for those roles that are played, whether it's a deep friendship or a romantic partner that's not there yet or children that may be there one day and things like this. So who is in it? Who's there? 

And then the second component is how do you feel with your family, right? How do you feel with these people in your life? So often when we look at relationships, we look at what is this person supposed to bring to me? Oh, this person's supposed to make me happy, or they're supposed to bring a sense of joy into my life, or they're supposed to make me feel love. And we often tend to accidentally look to family or look to those that we care about to make us feel a certain way, and then we miss the mark entirely. And so change the game up and go, how do I want to feel with the people in my life as though, who am I going to bring myself as to them? What am I going to offer them more so than what am I going to receive from them? The receiving part will happen as a natural byproduct of what you offer one way or the other. If you show up with the people that you love in your family and you show up and you love them and you show them kindness and you're happy and you're inspired and you're intimate with them and vulnerable, well, then they're going to reciprocate all those things. And the receiving part happens as a natural byproduct of that. If we get caught in anger and resentment and feeling unworthy and disappointed in everybody in our life or in key people in our life, they tend to reciprocate that too, right? They tend to show up in a passive aggressive way. They tend to let us down again and again and so on and so forth. 

And so rather than look at what are the people going to give you? Or what are you going to have because of these relationships, ask yourself, who do I want to be with them? How do I want to feel? And give yourself permission to work on yourself in a way that you evolve so that you're bringing that to the people in your life regardless of how they're showing up with you. And so how do you want to feel in this family that you've created with the people that are important to you? And then ask yourself, well, what are the things I want to do with them? Do you guys want to have family dinners and gatherings? Do you want to take trips together? Are you doing activities? Are you playing games? Right? What's that look like for you? Are you connecting each evening in an intimate, focused way for a short period of time where they're just a staple in your life? Right? You've got to think about, well, what is it I want to do? Because it's so easy to get into the routine of relationship, the mundane of relationship, and  then all of a sudden, you're not doing the things that are important to you anymore, and they just kind of fall by the wayside all of a sudden. And so what are the things that you're doing? 

And really reflect on these three key things, right? Number one, who's in your life? What does that structure look like for you? Number two, how do you feel as you're with these people? What are the emotions? What is the essence of yourself you're bringing to those relationships? And then think about and visualize, well, what are you doing with these people in your life? And create an idea of relationship and then go big picture, right? Vision. We've done these in other sessions. You can look at our vision sessions, but ask yourself, what is the vision of life that this fulfills, that I have these people in my life, and that this component of family really is dialed? And so what does that mean from a lifestyle reality for you? What does that mean for the construct of your life and how you're living it out? 

Something that I'll tell you from a fulfillment perspective is relationships are maybe the most important component of your life in order to know a fulfilled life and to thrive, to truly thrive and be happy. If relationships are dialed, things tend to work out. When relationships aren't working out or we don't have the people in our life that are important to us, man is it really easy to struggle even if you have all the wealth and all the health in the world and everything else is on point, when relationships are struggling or relationships are challenged, the quality of our life diminishes significantly. And one of the best ways to make sure that they don't struggle and that that doesn't happen is get clear on the mark you're going to hit. Very few people stop to really consider and ask themselves the question, what is family going to be for me? And what are the relationships that I want to create and cultivate? But once you name it, it becomes a lot easier to execute on it because it's right in front of you. 

And with all things as it pertains to creation, you want to make sure we're marrying some key benchmarks like we just talked about vision of who's in my life, what are we doing? How am I feeling? And then we got to marry the emotion to that with tactics, right? And so the emotion happens by way of just imagining what it would be like to have these people in your life and to be connected to them and have relationships that thrive, that'll wake you up, that'll light you up, that'll make it important to you. And then you've got to combine tactics with that. Hey, how am I going to show them that I appreciate them? How am I going to show up on a regular basis? Where are we going to make the time to engage in those activities or those things that I want to be up to with them? Not in a way where it's a holiday once a year, but how am I going to show up with the people that I love and care about on a daily basis? On a weekly basis and have that become a routine that truly supports the relationships in my life to thrive in a really incredible way so that it's a way of being not just something that happens on occasion. 

And so play with that. Design the relationships that you want to know and have in your life and then you're certain to have them. And it's a step very few people take. Very few people stop and go, hey, what are the quality relationships I want in my life? Who do I want in my life? What do I want to do with these people in my life? And very few individuals stop to take the time to really design it and be honest and authentic with what family is going to look like to and for them. And so take a little time with that. And let's make this the year that your relationships are better than ever.