SUMMARY

• “So many people try to create the vision for a romantic relationship before who they know they want to be for themselves and what they want to create for themselves.”
• Living a fulfilling life involves living for the things that are most important to you. Declare what those things are, and define your romantic relationship based on the life you want for yourself holistically.
• “Who do you want to become and what is it you want to do? Then ask yourself the question, what's the romantic relationship that I’d love to have?”
• If you’re looking for tips on how to live a fulfilling life and create a partnership that aligns with that life, this episode is for you.
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

Hey, welcome to our session. So in this session, we're going to talk about the correlation between the vision for your life and the vision for romantic relationship. So many people that I've trained throughout the years, I see them, they try to create the vision for a romantic relationship before who they know they want to be for themselves and what they want to create for themselves. And it inherently doesn't work, and it tends to fall apart because you can't live through somebody else and be happy and fulfilled. You can't live for somebody else and be happy, fulfilled. It just doesn't work because you're meant to live first for yourself and then be in partnership with other people. And that doesn't mean that you can't be, you know, you know, very committed and, you know, share in the creating of a life with other people. But you have to  understand what life you're living for yourself first in order to be in full collaboration with other people. And they need to inherently be in alignment with the vision, full vision of the life they want for themselves first and then in collaboration with you and making sure that all that aligns if we're really going to create a vibrant relationship and what's truly possible. 


And so give yourself permission and think about, ask yourself the question, what do I want in my life? Like, what do you like, who do you want to become and what do you want to be doing? And do your best to think out as far out as you can. What are the things you know you're going to want or that are most important to you to know or have or who you want to become, say, in 20 years. In 10 years. Because what I find is, like, when I go, man, what's most important for me to know and have in 20 years? Like, the first thing that occurs to me is my health and my vitality. And then the second thing that occurs to me is the freedom to do that which I choose with my time. Right? And then the third thing is to be inclusive of the people that I care about most, to have the people in my life today that I love and that I care most about today still around in 20 years. And we actually still like each other and want to hang out together a little bit. 


Like, when I think about what are the most important things in 20 years to know and have, like, certain things occur to me and other things don't seem as important and relative. But then when I look at what's most important for next year, it's very different. Like, some of those are consistent, like health and vibrancy the people in my life, etcetera. But then it's like, oh, I'd like to achieve this outcome, or I'd like to make a little more money, or, man, I'd love to take this trip, or I'd like to go to a different country or different things occur. And so go out 10, 20 years and go, man, what's most important that I know and have in my life and give yourself permission to just think about that in a really authentic and sincere and practical way and then think, man, in five years, in three years, in a year, what do I want to know and have? Like, what's most important to me to know and have? 


And think about it both as an experience of yourself. Who do you want to be? What are the principles you want to live by? What are the virtues you want to embody? What are the values you want to hold? What are the emotions that you want to feel day in and day out? What's the expression that you want to have access to as yourself, as who you want to be and who you want to become? And then what are the things you want to do? What activities do you want to be up to? How do you want to be spending your time? What do you want to do in terms of contribution and career? What's important to you in the next, say, five, three years as it pertains to family? Do you want to have children? Do you not want to have children? Do you see your phase of life looking different as your kids are moving out of the house, maybe, or moving into their teenage years from their adolescent years? 


Life is going to look different in these different stages. And who you're going to want to be and how you're going to collaborate and create with the other person in your life is going to look a little bit different depending on the vision you have for your life, right? Maybe you're really driven inside career and you're a high performer. You want to go take over the world and build businesses. That's going to inform the type of person you're going to be with. Maybe that sounds terrible to you and you want to be more of an experiential individual. And the things you prioritize more is like, yeah, you want to make enough money to be comfortable, but you really value your freedom more than contribution and impact and career and building a business and things like that in that way. And so you want to make sure you're spending a lot more time traveling or in nature or spending a lot more time hands on with the family and, you know, going to all the ball games with the kids and that kind of thing in the evenings and the weekends. Like, like both of those realities are right for the right person, and both those realities are wrong for the wrong person. 


And so you've got to know, like, what's the vision that I have for my life?  me and that I want to aspire to? And get clear on that for yourself, right? Who do you want to become and what it is you want to do? What do you aspire to in your life? And then ask yourself the question, what's the romantic relationship that I love to have? That's a great fit with that vision. That's a great contribution to that vision. That's in alignment with that vision that I hold and that I have for my life. Because if we don't have a clear vision for our life, we don't know who we want to be, what we want to do, what we want to create, where we want to go, then it's very, very hard, almost impossible, to team up with the person who's going to be a great fit for all of that with us. And when we partner up with people who aren't a great fit for who we want to become and what we want to do, again, it's like we often will harbor resentment or anger or frustration with the other person because nothing wrong with them, nothing necessarily even wrong with the relationship. It's just not a fit for who we want to be and what we want to do. Or the other person gives something up like that, and they harbor anger and resentment toward you because they're not they're not living a life they really want to live. And then one or the other person starts living for the other person, expecting them to show up differently. 


And so there's so many things that can be avoided that tend to fall apart or go really bad in romantic relationship. And if we had the foundation of vision there first, then we could communicate and we could let the person know what's important to us and where we're going and what we aspire to. And we could opt them in, right, as a, yes, this is an alignment, but they can hear your vision, and they can decide if that's right for them, too. They might be like, yeah, this sounds great. I've been waiting for you my whole life. Or they might be like, that sounds horrible. Like, why would anybody ever do that? And you just saved yourself five years of struggle and pain and suffering because you tried to make your life work around a relationship. When people try to make their life work around a relationship, they're miserable. The relationship often fails. And when the case where it doesn't, you wish it would have because you missed out on a lot of years of happiness and fulfillment and such greatness that you and the other person, you know, could have known. 


Whereas if you have a vision for your life and you go, man, does this relationship a fit for my vision? Does this person make sense? Did this align with who I want to be and where I want to go? And do I align with who they want to be and where they want to go? And you team up with people who are in that kind of alignment with each other, now, like the clouds part, and everything you know is possible in a romantic relationship becomes available to you. And not only that, you accelerate your ability to create the life in which you aspire to. Because one in one, when you have one person coming together with another person and you combine your efforts toward creating an outcome that you both are striving for, it's not like one and one is two. It's like both people come together with an intention and a focus, and inside that one mind, that one intention and alignment with each other, one and one, is like a compounding effect. It's like a hundred people moving toward an outcome in which they want to achieve, not just two. 


And so, so much becomes possible when we know the vision for our life first and then engage in relationship, as opposed to trying to make the vision of our life around relationship. And so think about that a little bit. And if you're already in a relationship, same framework, what do I want from my life? What's most important to me? Hey, what's the, what do I want in a relationship that's a fit for that? And then if you're not in the alignment you could be in your current relationship, asking these questions and thinking about the vision you have for your life and giving yourself permission to do that. And then think about the romantic relationship, and that would fit with that and the aspects of that relationship that would be a support to that. You can then take the relationship you're in and start moving it into an alignment that perhaps has never been there. And so, hopefully, this is helpful for you. Hopefully, I hope it makes sense and enjoy digging in.