SUMMARY

• “Confidence is the certainty of what you know and your ability to act from that certainty.”
• When most people are going to try something new, they think they're supposed to be good at it already. They're afraid of being embarrassed, and then they start diminishing themselves before they ever begin. And therefore, they never do the new thing. 
• “Confidence really is fueled by the acceptance and acknowledgement of what is.”
• If you’re looking for tips on how to feel confident in life, this episode is for you.
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

Welcome to our session on confidence. And so, as we've talked about in many other sessions, every emotion that we feel and experience is conditioned or strengthened or supported or activated by doing specific key things. And so if we look at people who are confident in the most productive sense, in the most beneficial sense, they're doing a few key things. And so you, you know, a lot of times, people confuse the idea of confidence and arrogance, and they're actually two completely different things. Right. Individuals who drive through arrogance actually feel insecure. And so individuals who drive with arrogance, the emotion that's actually preceding that behavior is typically insecurity. Right. Strong insecurity. Confidence is completely different. 


And this is so important because so many of us have this weird idea that we've gotten from different way, in different ways, that we shouldn't be confident and exude confidence and show confidence because that's not  a good thing to do. But what we're really, you know, you know, you know, wanting to not engage in is actually the arrogance, which oftentimes gets labeled as confidence, but it's not. Right. And so what is confidence? Confidence is the certainty of what you know and your ability to act from that certainty. Right. Knowing your capacity. And so what that means is it doesn't necessarily mean you're capable yet. And so confidence is like, as an example, if an individual is confident and they're doing something they've never done before, they have accepted the reality. So people who are confident, they accept what is. They go, oh, I don't know how to do this, and that's okay, right. 


So they accept reality and they understand that where it's currently at is okay. And they go, oh, I don't know how to do this. And they're able to accept that. Right? Oh, I'm able to do this really well, and they accept that they can do that really well. And so confidence really is fueled by the acceptance and acknowledgement of what is. And so if I'm doing something brand new for the very first time, I can be confident in it because I can go, oh, I'm not sure how to do this. I accept that. And so I'm gonna try it. I'm going to look funny. It's going to be weird. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not going to be very good at it, but this is how I'm going to learn. And so I'm going to confidently learn right now and go through the process of learning. And so that's very different than the way most people start new things. When most people are going to try something new, they think they're supposed to be good about it, at it already. They're afraid of being embarrassed, and then they start diminishing themselves before they ever begin. And therefore, they never do the new thing. 


And so if we're confident in our willingness to learn and that's how we're engaging the process, well, then I can bring the certainty of my ability to the space, which is then you're going to have the byproduct of confidence. I'm certain that I'm learning. I'm certain I'm going through the process of getting better at this. And that looks like not being very good at it for now, making mistakes, figuring it out, and then getting better at it along the way. On the flip side, it can be an acceptance of what is, an acknowledgement of where we are, and we can go, man, you know what, I've practiced my trade for many years, right? I have a friend who's a master level mechanic. And it's like people with the highest end cars seek this guy out to work on their Lamborghinis and their Ferraris and very specialty cars, and he's very confident in what he does because he's, you know, for 20 years, you know, he's worked on these high performance cars and, you know, enhancing them, you know, you know, you know, tuning them up, so to speak. 


And so it's like he's confident in what he knows there. And he goes, oh, when he looks at a car, he's like, man, I'm very confident in what I'm able to do with this vehicle, right? There's a confidence in his range of what he knows, his range of ability and proficiency, right. I'm confident when it comes to training people or I'm confident in martial arts. Other people are really confident as an artist because that's what they've studied, and they studied being able to create art. Some people are really confident as an accountant. Some people are really confident as tradespeople. They're a great plumber or they're a great architect or they're a great framer, like construction. And so it's like, there's nothing wrong with being confident in what you know, especially in the space of your proficiency. And so confidence is that acceptance of where I am relative to what I'm doing. And so if I'm really good at something, I can engage with a sense of confidence in what I know and execute really, really well and instill trust from others in my ability and in my capacity. 


And then when we're out of our range of competency, we can be confident that we're out of our range, right? We don't have to feel insecure. We don't have to get angry. We don't have to be embarrassed. We don't have to try to compensate. It doesn't mean that we're a terrible human. We just make that adjustment when we're in confidence and we go, oh, I'm really good at this. I'm not as proficient at these other things. And so I'm going to be confident in my willingness to learn here. I'm going to kind of flip that switch and understand, accept where I am and, you know, go into a learning mode there. And so if we look at what fuels confidence, it's affirming our capacity, right? People who are confident are consistently affirming their capacity with accuracy. And so, again, that doesn't mean that we're capable, right? Highly capable at all things. That's unrealistic. But again, we're affirming our capacity inside of realism. 


And so that could look like, hey, I'm learning here. I'm confident that I'm going to go through this learning process here, and that I'm willing to learn, that I'm able to learn. And you know what? That that's what I'm going to be up to in this moment. Or I'm really confident that I can do this job and do it really well and do it better than most people because I spent time developing a high level of capacity and competency within this space of my proficiency. And we can engage with confidence in places where we are extremely capable. And then if we veer outside of our range of capacity, we can be confident that we veered outside and go, man, I'm going to do my best here, but it's probably not going to work out perfectly. I'm probably going to make some mistakes. And my job here is to learn through that and become more capable. And so confidence is not a byproduct of being good at everything, which is the mistake people make. And it's not even the byproduct of having to be good at something. 


When you engage, you can engage with confidence no matter where you are on the spectrum. I'm a beginner just starting something out to, I'm an expert. I've mastered something, and you can execute with confidence along the entire spectrum. The key is focusing on what is your capacity, what is your ability in owning that fully with, with a sense of authenticity. If you do that confidence will be there. And most important, you will be in action toward the things you want to create, the life you want to create, who you want to become. And people around you will learn to trust and rely on you for, for the things that you're up to in your life because they know that you'll let them know when you're confident and they can rely on you for that high level of expertise related to your confidence. And they also can trust you to let them know when you're out of your area of competency and be confident that you're out of that area of competency and be okay saying that you're learning in this space or you don't know the answers and therefore you need to learn. And it will foster much better relationships. And so humility tends to go with confidence and as we said earlier, insecurity tends to go with arrogance. And so keep that in mind as you continue and we'll look forward to seeing you in a future session.