SUMMARY

• “The number one key to enjoying the Holiday Season is to know your expectations going in.”
• So many people have this unattainable idea of what the holidays are meant to be: happy like a Hallmark movie, spending time with family, and magic is meant to happen. And for most people, that’s not the case. But it doesn’t mean you have to suffer this holiday season. 
• “Expect people to be who {and how} they are..”
• If you’re looking for tips on how to thrive through the holiday season, this episode is for you.
• Watch the video to get the full training.

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 Full Transcript:

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]

Holidays are coming up. How do we get the most out of our holidays? That's what we're going to speak about here a little bit. Most people that I know, they go into the holidays and they kind of have this vague idea that it's supposed to be happy and it's supposed to be like a Hallmark movie and you're supposed to love spending time with your family, and magical things are supposed to happen, and we're supposed to have a little time off work, and it's supposed to be rejuvenating. And then for most people, that is not the case, right? Most people dread having to see their family. They're like, oh, my God, how am I going to survive this again? And then they go into the holiday and they're, like, gain 20 pounds or something, and then they feel worse than they did before they went on holiday, and then they finally get through the holiday, keyword there is we get through all the crazy, and then we end up on the other side, and we're like, oh, my gosh, I'm exhausted. And then we start the new year, right? We begin getting back to the routine of life, and it's like, wait a minute, we kind of know we want this other thing, and we kind of think that's what's supposed to happen. Joy and connection and love and sharing and rejuvenation and all of those wonderful things. And then for so many people, it just couldn't be more opposite to that. 

And so how do we make sure that we nail the holiday, right? And I'm going to give you a little playbook here so that when you go into the holidays and this will work for any other event in life, too, where, man, you really want to design your experience and your outcome. Maybe it's like a business meeting, or maybe you've got a trip with friends down in the future and you want it to go a certain way. Or maybe you're attending a conference of some kind .Or you're going on your vacation or a trip and you want your vacation to actually fulfill the intention and not be a crazy weekend or five days of just chaos where you're like, what's happening right now? Right, where you get to enjoy your time. And so the key is number one is know your expectations going in.

So if you go into your family vacation or your reunion or your holiday season and you're like, okay, I have this expectation that uncle so and so doesn't drink too much this season, but they do it every time you ever see them. That's a setup, right? You're setting yourself up. So if you've got this expectation that, like, uncle so and so doesn't drink too much, that's not uncle so and so's fault. When you show up at the holiday and they do what they do and they're accustomed to, and then you get upset about that. That's actually you creating the expectation that they're supposed to behave differently when they're not capable of it, maybe. Or they have no intention of doing it. Or maybe they just do it because they know it gets you, and so they double down. Right, because that happens sometimes. 

Or maybe you have this idea that somebody is supposed to not be impolite or discourteous or rude, and you're like, well, wait a minute, every time I've kind of engaged with them and the last 28 years, I've kind of had family get togethers, they've done something rude and something obnoxious to get attention. And so I think there's a high likelihood they're going to do that again. What would you say? Right. It's like if we stop and just ask ourselves, what is it that I'm expecting should happen as I go into the holidays? And then create a list of the top five or ten things that you expect is supposed to occur when you go into your holidays. And then ask yourself with each of those expectations, so and so is not supposed to drink too much. So and so is not supposed to be rude. So and so is supposed to tell me they love me this year and that I'm the best child they've ever had and this is the year it happens. And I'm 58, and it didn't happen at 57, but 58, it's going to go down this year. Probably not. Right. 

So then you look at your expectations, name them, and just ask the question, have they demonstrated this before? Is it reasonable to think that they're going to have the ability to show up for that expectation? Reasonable not being is it something I should have or is it something people should be able to do? Reasonable being defined based on their behavior and what they've demonstrated or what has occurred in the history of the past. And so if history tells you it's likely that that expectation doesn't get met, I invite you to give yourself permission to change your expectation and don't expect that to get met. 

And so when we go into the holidays or we go into events and we're hyper focused on what we think the event or the holiday is supposed to give to us what we're supposed to receive, that tends to be a set up for disappointment. Right? My kids are supposed to behave perfectly on vacation. All right, good luck with that. That's a big expectation that's just going to miss a lot, potentially, right? And so once you kind of create your list of expectations, ask yourself, is this likely to happen? If you know in your heart of hearts it's not likely to happen, give yourself permission to expect that it will occur. 

And let's make a game plan instead. Make a game plan for how you're going to be when it happens. If you focus on how you're going to respond to the things that occur in your holiday, which are mostly predictable, especially if you're spending with people you know really well, like your family, you can design your responses ahead of time, so you have a much better time and so that you give to your family what you want to give to them, which is the best version of yourself. Love and compassion and acceptance and patience and all of those things. And look for those moments to just share deep quality connections, even if they're just brief moments and then they pass. Right? And so if you focus on how you can respond to the things that are going to occur, and if you focus on who am I going to be, what action am I going to take when I'm with my family and when I'm engaging the event, then you're more likely to hit that outcome.You're more likely to engage that. 

And so create your playbook for the holiday before you engage it in terms of who you're going to be and the experience you want to have and what you're going to make important, make connection more important than people's bad behavior. Make loving people and just you acknowledging them for their good traits as an example more important to you than everything going the way you think it should or following your schedule or whatever the things are that we tend to get disappointed about or feel sort of angry about or upset about or agitated about, because they don't happen. Especially the things that have a history of not occurring for whatever those reasons are. Right? 

And so my invitation is, go, hey, ask the question, what do I want to give to my family this holiday? So instead of what are they going to give to me? Or what am I going to get out of this? Ask yourself, what do I want to give to my family? I want to let each of them know in a genuine way that I love them and I appreciate them. I want to demonstrate and just be grateful this holiday. Like, really train gratitude. And I'm just going to be grateful I have a family, and I'm going to focus on the things that I do have and that I'm appreciative of and that are present for me, and I'm going to share those things even if other people don't reciprocate. Like, I'm going to nail the gratitude space this year. And that's what I'm going to focus on. Because if I'm focused on gratitude, I'm not going to be focused on all those expectations that get unmet and why I feel bad about it. Right? You're going to be grateful, and you're going to bring that version of yourself forward and then think about the experiences that you want to create and make some time for the experiences you know you want to create and have. 

But when you're creating that, when you're naming those experiences you want to have, carve out a little time for what those are for you and make sure that you're inclusive of the individuals or you create the time or the space where you're going to get those experiences and the expectations tied to them met. So if you want to, I don't know, go on a holiday hike and your family is not hikers, don't try to rally your family to go hike in the snow with you. That's not going to go great because they're going to complain that they're cold and why'd you make them do that and yada, yada, yada. But if you know you've got like one or two people in your family who are outdoorsy and adventurous and they'd be up for that and you want to have that experience, hey, imagine it, invite those peeps, you know, are going to enjoy it. If they say yes, great. If they say no, no problem. And make the window of time for the thing that you love to do and do it because you love it even if others aren't on board for it. Like, make sure you feed yourself as you're giving to others, but you've got to name it in order to do it.

And so that's your playbook, right? Go into the holiday season and name the expectations that you have. Acknowledge the ones that are unlikely to get met and give yourself permission to not focus on those things happening and give yourself permission to, hey, I'm not going to get upset when those don't occur because one and one is two here. And then number two, hey, what am I wanting to bring to the holiday? What do I want to bring to the people I care about? What do I want to bring to this event as who I am and what I'm offering? I want to bring love, encouragement, acknowledgment, acceptance.This is what I'm going to bring to the event as who I am. And then finally, hey, what are the experiences that you want to have, right? What are those experiences you want to have? And carve out time for those things that are important to you so that you're feeding yourself. Don't wait for somebody to give them to you or make an invitation or tell you to do it or say that it's okay. Just carve out a little time, do it and be okay with however people react to that. Because again, that expectation piece, they're going to react, how they react. But then you come back and then you bet he person that you want to be and just offer that this holiday season or when you go to your events as opposed to, again, thinking about what's supposed to happen for you on your behalf.

And then final note, remember, the key to being empowered and really leaving vibrant this holiday season is focus on how you're going to respond to the things that you expect are going to occur in a way that empowers and uplifts you. And focus on that action that you're going to take as you show up, as who you're going to be, regardless of whether people reciprocate or what they're going to be up to. And if you go into the event, you go into the holiday, you go into your family reunion or whatever you're up to, you're gathering with a playbook, you're more likely to engage that playbook and create the outcome that you want and less likely to leave disappointed because it doesn't go quite your way or the way that you hoped. And so go into this season empowered and truly embrace the creator you are, and let's create the best holiday season, the best event possible.