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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]
You may have found yourself believing that there essentially are no good men out there, that they just don't exist. And when you go to that idea, like, there are no good men out there, you might look at the history of men that you've engaged with and the negative things that have occurred.
Or you might be, you know, in the exploration phase of looking for a new relationship and your significant other that you're going to spend your life with, and you're dating, and you're like, what in the world is going on? Right? The dating pool has gotten really scary.
And I'm not saying that's not necessarily true, but the reality is there are awesome, awesome men out there, just like there are awesome women out there. That would be an amazing compliment for men. But what I find is that we often don't realize that we're picking the wrong men for us.
And so if you're inside that space of, like, there are no good men out there, you know, usually it means a couple of things are happening. Number one is we don't have a clear vision for the relationship that we want, and that has us opt in with individuals who actually are not a fit for the vision we want, and then we end up disappointed.
So if you notice that that's happening where you're engaging with men or you're engaging in relationships and you find yourself disappointed time and time again, then the first step is to visit the vision of relationship that you want to create.
What is the vision that you want? Like, what do you want to engage with your significant other? What activities do you want to be doing? What kind of life do you want to create? What kind of financial reality do you aspire to? What kind of lifestyle do you want?
And start really understanding what your expectations are and what you aspire to for yourself in life and with a significant other. That way, when you engage with people, you start to give yourself permission to assess, hey, is this individual somebody who is able to align with the expectations that I have and essentially create or partner with me in creating the relationship that I really aspire to?
And you'll find that some people will and some people won't, and that's totally okay. But if you know what your expectations are, you know what the vision is, and you're not deciding to take on projects, right? You don't date somebody with, like, the intention to fix them up, then you are not setting yourself up for failure. Okay?
If you engage with somebody with the intention that they are a fixer upper. And you're like, we're just going to change their wardrobe a little bit. We're just going to change how they talk here and there. And you know, we can get them to stand a little better, we'll put them on a little bit better diet. And you find yourself micromanaging the person you're with.
They're probably not who they need to be. That aligns with the vision of what you want for a relationship that makes there's nothing wrong with them, they're just not a fit for you. And so don't put more time and energy into the fixer upper. That's not a fit for you because that's just going to lead to disappointment because they're already missing your expectations.
And so if fashion's important to you, engage with the guy who is already fashionable. If athletics and health is important to you, engage with the guy who's already a bit athletic and who's mindful of what he eats and puts energy into his vitality and his health.
If money is important to you, like, engage with somebody who's financially responsible and, and who has a drive, you know, and they want to succeed in their career and they want to do well in life, right? Like, let's engage with that person out of the gate.
And so that's number one, is what is the vision for relationship that you have? What are your expectations for relationship? And as you engage with other people, as you meet people you want to really look at, like, is this person actually aligned with the things that are important to me? Maybe they are. If they're not, no problem.
They're a good fit for somebody else. And then the next piece requires a bit of authenticity. We've got to look at ourself. If you want that vision for a relationship, you have to look at yourself and you have to go, well, am I aligning with the vision of relationship I say I want? If I want maturity in a man that I want to be with, am I showing up in a mature way in a complement to that?
If I want to be with somebody who's health minded and is aware of their nutrition and taking care of themselves, am I doing that? If I want somebody who's financially responsible and who is going to, you know, maybe partner with you in creating a nice lifestyle and an abundant life?
Hey, are you aligning with that? Are you doing that already? Because you know, the person whom you may want to be with may not be interested in you right now because you're not actually showing up for the vision you say you want for yourself. And so we've got to do that first and foremost. And I know sometimes it can pinch a little to be real with ourself and go, well, am I actually showing up in a way that's either going to be a compliment to that which I say I want as a vision for relationship?
Am I embodying the attributes and the moral structure and the ethics and the energy that aligns with the vision that I say I want? Because if I want to be with somebody who's going to complement that vision, then I need to be the person who fits well with that.
And what I find so oftentimes when people say there aren't any good men out there is they don't know what they want. They haven't named clearly what they aspire to, they don't know what their expectations are. And then number, then the next thing is like, they may not be showing up for the thing they say they want.
And so if I'm not showing up for the vision of relationship that I say I want, then I can't possibly expect a person who is aligned with that to want to be with me. So we got to start breaking this down. And then finally, absolutely, we've got to understand that on the planet with 8 billion people, or if you're in a city, right, like I live in Denver, you know, it's a city with millions of people.
There is definitely at least five of those individuals who are great and a good fit for you. And so don't underestimate just what happens when you believe and acknowledge and accept that there are great men out there and give yourself permission to start acknowledging the men whom you perceive as great who embodied the qualities that you aspire to be with one day.
And it might be somebody you meet. Yeah, they might be married, or it might be somebody you work with that you're not interested in dating. But start to acknowledge when you see men of character, because I promise, they're out there. But you have to give yourself permission to acknowledge and see them in order to generate the belief that they are for sure out there and that it's just a matter of time before you're going to be engaging with one and creating truly the relationship you deserve and ultimately the relationship of your dreams.