SUMMARY
Feeling distant from someone you love — even when you’re sitting right beside them? In this episode of Relationship Hack, Joey Klein breaks down why emotional distance happens and the simple daily practices that rebuild real connection.
Full Transcript:
[The following is the full transcript of this episode of Joey’s Performance Tune Up With Joey Klein. Please note that this episode, like all episodes, features Joey speaking unscripted and unedited. This video is captured in one take.]
Do you ever feel lonely even when you're sitting right next to someone you care about? Maybe you and your partner are in the same room but on different planets. Or you have surface level conversations with family members but never really connect. You're physically together but emotionally distant and you're not sure how to bridge the gap.
Sound familiar? There is a real reason you feel disconnected and I promise it's probably not what you think. Hi, I'm Joey Klein, founder and CEO of Inner Matrix Systems. I'm also the author of the book Relationship Alchemy. I train high achievers in the art and science of personal mastery.
And to date, over 84,000 people have gone through my trainings. Listen, here's what creates disconnect in relationships. It's not a lack of time together or different interest. It's emotional unavailability. Most people are physically present but emotionally guarded.
They are putting up walls around vulnerability, which is exactly what creates the disconnect they're trying to avoid. It's a vicious cycle. I want to tell you about Rebecca and Tom, who were married 18 years, but who felt like roommates. They'd sit on the couch together every night, scrolling their phones, making small talk about the day.
But both felt completely alone. Rebecca told me, we're together, but we're not really together, you know? Rebecca and Tom were finally able to connect and enjoy each other once more when I taught them the emotional availability formula.
Here's how it works. Step one. You must recognize the walls present. Rebecca and Tom were both protecting themselves from potential hurt by staying surface level. They'd gotten so good at safe conversations that they'd forgotten to be real with each other.
Next, implement the five minute connect technique. I taught them this technique and it's simple enough for anyone to do every day for just five minutes. They had to share Something real about an experience they had that day. these five minutes weren't about answering how was your day?
It was about sharing. Specifically about what they felt that day, something they were worried about or something they enjoyed. This helped them to connect to their experience and share authentically. This technique can be a bridge to deeper and more meaningful discussions.
Then practice emotional presence during the five minute Connect Technique. It's imperative to practice presence while the other person is sharing. Instead of trying to solve each other's problems or give advice. Their only job was to listen and say, thank you for sharing that with me.
No fixing, no judgment, just presence. Next, create rituals of, connection. Rebecca and Tom made an effort to prioritize time together with no other distractions. To ensure they could focus on one another and have time to connect and appreciate each other.
They established phone free time every evening. No TV, no devices, just 15 minutes of actual conversation. In addition to the five minute connect technique, they also started doing one thing together each week, like trying a new restaurant or taking a walk in a different neighborhood.
Finally, share appreciations. I instructed Rebecca and Tom to share one thing daily with each other. They appreciated about the other. This exercise works best before going to bed at night, but can be done anytime. It's important not to only share generic stuff like you're a nice person, but to share genuine appreciations about the other person and, what makes them unique.
An example of this might be, I appreciate how patient you were with the kids during the homework time. Within a month, Rebecca told me, I feel like I'm, married to my best friend again. We're actually talking about real things and instead of just logistics.
The secret to connection isn't more time together. It's more presence during the time you already have. Connection happens when we risk being real instead of being safe. Make sense. So if you're feeling disconnected from someone important to you and want the complete system for creating deeper intimacy and authentic connection, get your free copy of Relationship Alchemy at relationshipalchemybook.com You just pay shipping and you'll learn exactly how to transform surface level interactions into meaningful connections.